


Anybody Wanna Peanut

by imaginarycircus



Category: Princess Bride (1987)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-26
Updated: 2011-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginarycircus/pseuds/imaginarycircus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With apologies to William Goldman for this ridiculousness. Fezzik likes to rhyme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anybody Wanna Peanut

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like 2004 and decided to archive it here.

Inigo and Fezzik liked to rhyme. Vizzini didn't like it because it had nothing to do with plundering or treasure. Plus his lisp made it impossible for him to join in, but Vizzini was dead. So was Wesley - well, he was mostly dead. Am I confusing you?

Mayhem - it is confusing. That is what mayhem is - confusion. Right. (William Goldman is spinning in his grave. (I know know! He isn't dead, but Andre the Giant is. Woe.))

When Fezzik found Inigo they just picked right up where they'd left off. Rhyming:

I: You went away Fezzik, I missed you.

F: Would you feel better if I kissed you?

I: That would be rather sweet.

F: Your breath smells like old feet.

I: I am not feeling so good. *collapses*

F: I didn't think that you would.

I: ...

F: Inigo - I don't know how rhyme with that!

I: ...

F: I'll feed you stew made out of cat.

 

Well, it wasn't really cat - but chicken doesn't rhyme with much. And it certainly didn't rhyme with anything that Fezzik had said that year. Inigo was worrying him. He wouldn't rhyme anymore and he could barely keep his head out of his soup. Fezzik isn't the swiftest knife in the drawer but he knew that drowning your dinner was bad.

But Inigo got better and killed the dreadful Count Ruggan. Wesley came back to life. Buttercup was saved. And Humperdink was still a ratfink. (Sorry the rhyme is contagious.)

And Inigo became the next Dread Pirate Roberts. In the evenings his crew heard him talking to his first mate.

 

F: I really like your new vest.

I: I think it makes me look my best.

F: Are we sailing West?

I: Yes, we are on a new quest.

F: I didn't know - but I guessed.

I: Sailing South was making me depressed.

F: Can I make a request?

I: My friend I'm so impressed!

F: Do you remember Buttercup's perfect breast?

I: We are running out of rhymes with vest?

F: I'm just getting started. I protest!

I: Fezzik, I think you are obsessed.

F: It is late - maybe you should get some rest.

I: Good night Fezzik.

F: Good night Inigo.


End file.
